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Haso guzi Fatu pa joj govori. De malo gore, de malo dole, hajd sad malo napred ,hajd sad malo nazad, hajd malo ljevo, malo desno. Na to ce njemu Fata.
- "Haso jel ti mene jebes ili me parkiras?" |
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Pita Mujo Hasu:
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Šta ispadne kada se ukrste pit-bul terijer i pudlica?
Ispadnu pudlici oči. |
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Pita učiteljica: Djeco je li vam itko u porodici umro od sexa? Javlja se Perica: jest u mene baba.
Učiteljica: A koliko ti baba ima godina?
Perica: 86!
Učiteljica: Pa kako onda?
Perica: Pa upala s tavana i sva se SJEBALA!!! |
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Lupiga
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Moljci
Mama i sin moljci u ormanu...
- Mama, mama, mogu li samo malo da izletim napolje?
- Sedi tu i grickaj bundu.
- Ali mama... tako su mi lepo aplaudirali kada sam prošli put leteo...
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Sezam vic dana
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To ti je to
Prvo uleti neka histerična riba,
pa se baca,
pa za njom i neki kuronja,
pa je uhvati,
pa je pomiriše,
pa je baci,
pa bi je jeb`o,
pa ne bi...
i to ti, bolan Mujo, zovu BALET!
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Poen vic dana
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Pitaju jedinog očevica:
- Zašto je šef otpustio Pericu?
- Zbog jedne jedine reči. Evo kako je to bilo: šef se hvalio da mu je žena prva liga u krevetu, a Perica je na to samo rekao: "Znam!"
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Krstarica vic dana
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KOMPLIMENTI
- Da sam ja vaša žena, bitango jedna, stavila bih vam otrov u čaj!
- Da sam ja vaš muž, taj čaj bih i popio!
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Subotica vic dana
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Pozvao Bračanin Marko prijatelje u svoju konobu da probaju njegovo vino, pa im ga poslužio u plitkim tanjirićima. Kad su otišli, pita ga žena:
- A zašto im nisi dao piti iz žmula?
- Nisan šenpjast! Da su pili iz žmula morali bi dignut glavu pa bi onda vidili pršute kako vise.
Prilog čitaoca Pere S. iz Splita
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Danas
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Sorry sto je na engleskom...
Office life can be just like a Hollywood movie. Here’s why:
* Groundhog Day: When you feel you’re doing the same task over and over.
* Rambo: First Blood: When it all depends on you, once more.
* Casablanca: When you’re doing the wrong thing for the right reasons (or the other way round).
* Matrix: When your boss slowly circles around you, keeping you in focus, and time stands still.
* Batman: When some of the smiles you get look like Jack Nicholson’s impression of arch-enemy Joker.
* Napoleon Dynamite: When you feel you should smile back, but you can’t.
* Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark: When you need to find that important PowerPoint from two years ago somewhere hidden deep in the file system.
* The Godfather: When salary’s that offer you can’t refuse.
* Star Wars: When you feel your boss bought you like a plastic action figure to play around with.
* Rear Window: When looking out of the window offers more suspense than your actual job.
* The Usual Suspects: Whenever something goes wrong, they suspect the false ones (and never get the right ones).
* Goodfellas: When your day’s just as stressful as having a drug business.
* Fight Club: When you wish you’d just sincerely beat each other silly instead of sending mean and subtle emails.
* Vertigo: When everything’s spinning on the way down to the cafeteria.
* Modern Times: When, just like Charlie Chaplin, you’re trapped in a big messy factory where everything seems to go wrong.
* Saturday Night Fever: When the weekend just beats the non-weekend.
* The Sting: When nobody in the project ever really understands what’s going on.
* The Wizard of Oz: Whenever you’re sick, you feel life has more colors than before.
* 2001: A Space Odyssey: When your fingers hammering on the keyboard make you look like a monkey.
* Jaws: That dum-da dum-da sound playing in your head whenever your boss nears.
* The Sixth Sense: When during a meeting, you’re talking, but no one’s listening.
* Back to the Future: When you wish you could go back in time to alter how you handled the beginnings of that disastrous project.
* 48hrs: When you’re working overtime.
* Seven: When you need to work on the weekend, too.
* Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: What you do when you have problems getting up in the morning.
* Life of Brian: When you feel in your office everyone’s following the wrong messiahs.
* Gladiator: When meetings become all heated and aggressive and you’d rather be eaten by a lion now.
* Blade Runner: When you’re never sure if you’re talking to a robot.
* Scarface: When you’re under a nagging suspicion your career is not gonna end nicely.
* E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial: When you use the office phone to, well, phone home a lot.
* Tootsie: When you suspect someone is not quite what they try to make you believe.
* The Truman Show: When your boss hides a web cam in the kitchen to find out who steals the orange juice.
* Close Encounters of the Third Kind: When clients visit the office.
* Forrest Gump: When the undo key doesn’t work but you did something horrendously stupid.
* Pulp Fiction: When there’s nothing but fast food to eat for lunch in a two-miles radius.
* Saving Private Ryan: When you need to help a colleague on a project in trouble.
* Basic Instinct: When you feel on any given day at work, there’s just about 10 seconds of excitement.
* Scream: When something unpleasant happens and you want to, but just can’t, scream.
* The Exorcist: When your boss bangs the phone in anger and starts bad-mouthing loudly.
* Reservoir Dogs: Whenever a bunch of professionals sink a project.
* Bloodsport: When others are winning with dirty tricks.
* Ghostbusters: When your team is ordered to fix a problem you don’t even believe exists.
* Final Destination: When everything that can go wrong does go wrong.
* Dawn of the Dead: When a project you thought was finished just doesn’t seem to go away, ever.
* The Rocky Horror Picture Show: When you’re sure you’re in the wrong building.
* Top Gun: No, I don’t think office life ever is as cool as Top Gun...
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Vic dana sluzbeni site
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Pitanje: Zašto je Bog dao ženama ruke?
Odgovor: Znate li vi koliko bi dugo trebalo da opere suđe jezikom?
Muškarci od 40-ak godina obično imaju problema da nađu partnera njihove zrelosti.
Zato i izlaze sa duplo mlađim djevojkama.
Pričaju dva orla:
Znaš li da je umro Branko Ćopić?
Super, bar nećemo rano ustajati.
Nikad ne vjeruj sjaju u očima muškarca!
To je vjerovatno svjetlo što prodire kroz njegovu šuplju glavu. |
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